there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
