No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
