well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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