she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wear drunk well.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
