problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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