i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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