Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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