His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
