Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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