i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
