I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
