Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
