Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
