i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
