So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
