when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I didn't notice because vodka
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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