he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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