I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
