I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
