i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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