As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
