I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
