Are we in a gay sports bar?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
