I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
