a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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