you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
