Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
