my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
