I think I died a long time ago.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize