K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
