Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
