im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
