he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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