I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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