My liver just broke up with me...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
