apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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