just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
