i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
