Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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