I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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