If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
