her vagine was all disorganized.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
