Just cropdusted the office
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
