...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
