Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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