they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
