Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
