You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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