Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
