Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
