i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
