The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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