He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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