i was born a porn star she said
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
