Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we made out on top of his cat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
