Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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