The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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