I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
