no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to cum in my sink.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
