she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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