Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
