You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
