Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize