That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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