Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is the high leading the old right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
