Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This baby is an asshole
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
