Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
