I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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