my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
