Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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