my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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