Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
