I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
