If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i need to put some appletini on your dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
