You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
